sometimes i don't even know where to start
or where to end, as if it really matters.
i just. i just want one thing.
i just want to be loved by you.
that's all i am asking.
simple enough.
just love me.
don't scold me, don't hate me, don't be angry.
just love me.
i just want to be loved.
i just wanna.

god, i am so sad.
if you are there, hear me. hear my plight.
save me god, from this nothingness i am falling into.
save me.

Ain't no sunshine when he's gone
It's not warm when he's away
Ain't no sunshine when he's gone
And he's always gone too long anytime
he goes away

Ain't no sunshine when he's gone
And this house just ain't a home
Anytime he goes away

Ain't no sunshine when he's gone
Only darkness everyday

HE

He, may be the face I can't forget
a trace of pleasure or regret
may be my treasure or the price I have to pay

He may be the song that summer sings
may be the chill that autumn brings

He, may be the famine or the feast
may turn each day into a heaven or a hell

He may be the mirror of my dream
a smile reflected in a stream
He may not be what he may seem inside as shell

He who always seems so happy
who's eyes can be so private
no one's allowed to see them when they cry

He may be the love that can and hope to last
that I remember till day I die

He, may be the reason I survive
the why and where for I'm alive
the one I'll care for through the rough and rainy years

me, I'll take his laughter and his tears
and make them all my souvenirs
for where he goes I've got to be
the meaning of my life is he.

every time you smile,
the corner of your eyes shows your feelings, the nervousness sinking, the feeling of lost suppressed, the wounds you try to hide.
deep inside your heart, your words trickle like a rain.

like a wind, you never stop. always sway, always moving.
outside you spread love, while inside the wounds and hatred you plant burn all the barren fields in your heart. not knowing when you can stop lying to yourself.

paper butterfly. flies every where and place.
all with different colours, and face decorated with the shady lamps of the street.

-- ebiet g ade --

you give your hand to me and then you say hello
and i can't hardly speak, my heart is beating so
and anyone can tell, you think you know me well
but you don't know me. i am just a friend
that's all i've ever been cause you don't know me...

-- you don't know me by jann arden --

a letter to a friend that was never sent.

May 25, 2004.

love,
quoting shakespeare, "what is in a love, terminatore?"
love, my friend,
is the only thing that can make that goofy smile on your face, the smile that stays for as long as it wants, even when it makes you look silly, or just plain stupid.
love, my friend,
is one that makes you nervous. one that makes you do things you would not otherwise do. one that makes you do all the silly things in the world you wish you never have done. and one that makes you do things you may regret later on.
love, my friend,
is you.
and i am in love with you.

yours actually,
totto.

You're my everything
The sun that shines above you makes the blue bird sing
The stars that twinkle way up
in the sky, tell me I'm in love.

When I kiss your lips
I feel the rolling thunder to my fingertips
And all the while my head is in a spin
Deep within I'm in love.

You're my everything
And nothing really matters
but the love you bring
You're my everything
To see you in the morning
with those big brown eyes.

You're my everything
Forever everyday I need you
close to me
You're my everything
you'll never have to worry
Never fear for I am near.

Oh, my everything
I live upon the land
and see the sky above
I swim within her oceans
sweet and warm
There's no storm, my love.

Chorus
When I hold you tight there's nothing
That can harm you In the lonely night
I'll come to you
And keep you safe and warm
It's so strong, my love.

ya Allah aku rindu padamu. Masih lamakah waktu sampai engkau mengambil aku kembali. Semoga di sisimulah aku yang nakal ini akan kembali. aku takut ya Allah.

you are like a moon
so high up the heavens
why do we even meet?
now my heart is your prisoner
and my life is in disarray

aku lapar. perutku kruyuk-kruyuk. aku masih nunggu programku selesai run, habis gitu aku baru mau tidur. sudah ngantuk sekali. tapi ndak ada pilihan.
hari ini aku presentasi skripsi. dapat penguji yang cukup menakutkan. rumornya sih paling menakutkan se fakultas kalo gak se universitas . tapi orangnya ketawa-ketawa. aku gak tau ketawa-ketawa itu tanda senang, nggak ngerti atau menganggap presentasiku lucu . padahal ndak lucu sama sekali . yang lebih lucu akunya ikut ketawa-ketawa. jadi bisa dibayangkan error sekali kelihatannya. penguji sama yang diuji sama-sama nggak nggenah.
tapi yang penting sudah selesai.
tadi aku juga ngeliat pembimbingku sedang menguji orang lain. rupanya dia emosi lalu mulai menggambar-gambar di posternya orang itu. kasian sekali murid itu kebingungan kok tiba-tiba pengujinya menggambar-gambar grafiti di presentasinya . habis gitu pembimbingku maksa kalau konsepnya anak itu gak benar dan sistem yang dia bangun gak bakalan bekerja dengan baik. bener-bener kasian mahasiswa yang diujinya.
tapi hari ini memang aneh. ada penguji yang keluar masuk ruang ujian bolak balik tapi ndak menemukan murid yang mau diuji. trus dia bolak balik nanya ke sana kemari dengan harapan menemukan orang yang mau diuji itu. tapi tanpa hasil. padahal dia udah rajin banget, datang pagi-pagi sekali, lebih pagi dari penguji lain. benar-benar mengharukan. kayaknya baru sekali ini melihat dosen penguji yang nyari2 mahasiswanya.
tapi wajahnya memang lucu. apa hubungannyah yah.